Therapy for Romanian Immigrants with Culture Shock

You're Not Struggling—You're Grieving Two Lives at Once

There's a particular kind of loneliness that comes from leaving your family in Europe while building something in America. You talk to your parents every few weeks, maybe less often because the time difference is brutal and the conversation always ends the same way—they asking when you're coming home, you not having an answer. Meanwhile, you're supposed to be grateful. You have opportunity. You have safety. You have a job that makes sense on paper. But at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday, you're standing in your kitchen thinking about your mother's kitchen, and nothing here tastes right, and nobody here gets it.

The disorientation runs deeper than missing food or language. It's that your entire frame of reference—how you measure success, how you show love, what counts as normal—doesn't match the world around you. You smile at work. You answer emails. You show up. But inside, you're translating constantly. Translating words. Translating values. Translating versions of yourself that don't quite fit anywhere. And the worst part is you can't explain it to people who've always been here. They think you should be happy by now.

I'm building a good life here, but it doesn't feel like mine yet. And I can't tell my parents that because they think I've abandoned them.

That guilt—the feeling that you're choosing America over your family, or that you're betraying them by succeeding here, or that you're selfish for not coming back—that lives in your chest like a stone. Some days you convince yourself you'll go back. Other days you know you won't, and the shame of that knowledge is almost unbearable. You're not sad exactly. You're fragmented. And nobody around you knows how to help because they've never had to hold two homes in their heart at the same time.

Why This Specific Loneliness Is So Hard to Name—and Why Talking Helps

Culture shock isn't just missing your country. It's the constant low-grade anxiety of not knowing the unwritten rules. It's wondering if you're being rude when you're just being Romanian. It's the exhaustion of code-switching—being one person with your family on FaceTime and a different person at work. It's the quiet rage of realizing that things you thought were universal (how to grieve, how to celebrate, how to ask for help) are actually cultural, and you're the odd one out. Your nervous system is working overtime to keep up with a world that feels fundamentally unsafe because it's fundamentally unfamiliar.

A therapist who understands this—who gets that you're not depressed, you're displaced—can help you name what's actually happening inside. They can help you stop treating your grief as a problem to solve and start treating it as something real and worthy of attention. Therapy gives you a place where you don't have to explain what Romania is, or why you can't just 'get over it,' or why building a good life here doesn't erase missing your family there. You get to exist in the in-between without judgment.

What helps

Therapy for culture shock works differently than most people expect. You're not trying to 'get over' missing home or 'adjust' faster. Instead, you're learning to hold both places inside you at once—to honor what you left behind while actually building in the present. That's not weakness rebranded. That's integration. And it changes everything.

What actually helps — and how to access it

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You're not the only one who felt this way

I called my therapist after my dad's birthday and I couldn't attend. She asked me what I was feeling, and I said 'nothing,' because I'd learned that crying meant failing at the American dream. But sitting there, I realized I was furious. At myself, at my circumstances, at the distance. My therapist helped me see that the anger wasn't a problem—it was proof I still loved them. That changed how I talk to my parents now. I'm sadder, yes, but I'm also more honest. And they're closer to me because I stopped pretending to be fine.

Anca, 34

Software engineer in Chicago, separated from her parents for 11 years

Questions people ask before starting

Won't therapy just make me more sad about missing my family?

The sadness is already there. What therapy does is stop you from spending energy pretending it isn't. That energy you get back—that's what lets you actually function and build something real here. You don't end up sadder. You end up more honest, which feels like relief.

I'm doing fine on the surface. Do I really need to talk to someone about this?

If you're functioning but feeling fractured, if you're succeeding but empty, if you're building a life but don't feel present in it—those are exactly the moments therapy helps. You don't have to wait until you break to get support.

How much does this cost and do I have time for one more thing?

Sessions are about $60–90 per week after your 20% first-month discount, and you can do them online from home whenever fits your schedule. Most people find that one hour a week gives them back way more than they spend in other areas of their life because they're not carrying everything alone.

Will an American therapist actually understand what it's like to be Romanian and displaced?

The best therapists listen more than they assume. Many have worked with immigrants and understand this experience deeply. And if something doesn't click, you can switch anytime—there's no penalty, no guilt, no contract. Finding the right fit matters.

What if I start therapy and realize I should move back to Romania?

Therapy doesn't push you toward any choice. It helps you get clear on what you actually want versus what you think you should want. Sometimes people realize they need to go home. Sometimes they realize they need to stay but with a different relationship to that choice. Both are okay.

If you are in crisis or having thoughts of harming yourself, call or text 988 immediately — the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, available 24 hours a day in English and Spanish. BetterHelp is not a crisis service.

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